forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
