he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The power of my boobs compel you
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
