Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
