clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
