sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
