you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
