U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
