Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
