I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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