Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
