I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
