Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
