he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
