you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
