Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
