gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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