Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize