So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
4 words: hood of his car
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
false alarm, still single
Randomize
