This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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