I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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