so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sobbing to NWA
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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