I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
time to smoke my breakfast
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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