STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize