at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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