Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You're like the curious george of whores
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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