You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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