He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
