That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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