Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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