Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
