Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
