I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
