so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
