I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
