You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
