i need an iv and a liver transplant
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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