well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
