It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
