Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
