i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
