Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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