I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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