Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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