What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
