I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
