I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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