The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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