Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
