; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
