there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
