Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
