The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
