if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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