i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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