The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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