they need to just BURY HIM!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
