Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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