Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
