You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think my fart just growled at me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
