We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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