Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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