I can tuck mytits in my pants
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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