Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
