um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
