Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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