I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
