Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your penis caused this!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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