Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
