It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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