She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
