I seem to have left my pride at pride
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize