Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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