I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
