Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
