Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
