My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
