bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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