You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
