i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
